Story #357 - Koala

Koala

“So you’re, like, an alien?” Pav McAllister said with a catch in his voice. Working night shift janitorial at the Therana Science Center wasn’t without its perks, but coming across a real live alien wasn’t something he expected.

“No.” The fuzzy creature said shortly. “Nothing like that – I understand your confusion but please don’t start thinking that way.”

“Alright…” Pav said dubiously. “Then what the hell are you?”

The thing paced around its cage, tiny paws clasped behind its back. Walking upright was possible for koalas, but seeing one do it for extended periods of time was disconcerting, to say the least. “Look at me,” it finally said, “what do I look like to you?”

“A...koala?” Trying not to hesitate did no good – things just didn’t match up.

“That’s right.” There was a note of indulgence in the voice, of patronizing pleasure. “Now, applying Occam’s Razor –“

“Occam’s what?” Pav interrupted. “Why do you have a razor?” He took a step back – the thing was still in its cage but if it could talk, who knew what else it could do?

“Shut up!” The creature said sharply. “And listen. Put down to basics, the Razor states that the simplest explanation is typically correct. So,” it thrust one paw in Pav’s direction, “if I look like a Koala…”

“Then you are one?” He finished, face drawn.

“Exactly!”

“I don’t know…” Pav hesitated. “Something isn’t right here. I haven’t heard a damn thing about super-intelligent koalas, let alone anything like you.”

“Je’deel,” the small creature said shortly. “My name is Je’deel.”

“Fine, Je’deel – I’m Pav, pleased to meet you and all that. But why are you talking to me? I’m not the one in charge here.”

“I know that!” Je’deel pointed to the broom Pav held in one hand. “But I’m not really interested in getting moved to the ‘special’ facility. If I open my mouth to Dr. Penner, I’ll be shipped off in the blink of an eye, and I don’t mind it here so much.”

“Really?” Pav found that hard to believe. “But you’re in a cage!”

“True enough – but all of my existence that I can recall has been in this cage. I can’t remember anything from before, anything from when I wasn’t this way, so I view these four, steel-barred walls as my home. Being the subject of invasive tests doesn’t sit well with me, and though Penner can do some work on me he’s bound by the Code to inflict minimal harm; all in all, I’ve got a pretty sweet deal.”

“That’s fascinating,” Pav said drily. It was, in truth, but getting too attached was a recipe for disaster. “But still doesn’t answer my question. Why bother talking to me?”

Je’deel paced around his cage for a few moments, chest puffing and tiny paws twitching. “Well,” it said haltingly. “I guess I’m lonely.”

“Alright.” There was no point pressing the issue – being locked in a lab would be miserable, and Pav wasn’t sure he’d do so well in captivity as the intelligent creature in front of him. “Then let’s talk.” A nearby lab stool provided an easy seat, and he glanced at his watch; all of the work was done for the night, and until four-thirty he was alone in the sector.

“I –“ the bear hesitated. “Thank you.”

Pav nodded sharply. “No problem. Now, anything in particular you want to talk about?”

“Tell me about Penner.” Je’deel said quickly. “What kind of man is he?”

“Dr. Penner?” Pav frowned. “Honestly, I don’t know that much about him. He’s been here for a dozen years but mostly keeps to himself, never eats in the lunch area or goes out with the others after work on Fridays.”

“So you don’t like him?”

“I didn’t say that. He’s just – different – than the others, even more socially awkward, if you can believe it. I think Penner’s a good man, to be honest, and I’m not sure how he deals with –“ Pav cut off abruptly.

“Deals with what?” Je’deel’s voice rose. “What are you talking about, Pav?”

“Nothing!” He said sharply. “It’s nothing!”

“No,” the clever little koala’s tone was clipped. “It’s not. You know something about the work Penner is doing, and it doesn’t jive with his personality, is that it?”

Pav managed to keep his silence, but found himself nodding. The thing in front of him didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark.

“Please,” big eyes stared up out of the cage. “You don’t have to free me, but tell me what’s going on.”

“Infiltration,” Pav said sharply. “Penner’s been working on ways to get unexpected spies into high-security facilities. So far as I know, his research centers on making friendly-looking creatures able to use small tools and remember simple number strings.” He paused to look down at Je’deel. “I’m guessing he got more than he bargained with you.”

“Dammit!” the koala swore. “I knew it was something like this. Penner and his assistants act like the world is coming to end at any moment, like someone’s going to break down the door and kill them all. They’re scared, and they should be. Dammit!”

“I can’t let you go,” Pav said sadly. “I need to feed my family.”

“I know, I know,” Je’deel replied, stalking around his cage in a small circle. “And I won’t ask you to do that.” It looked up with pleading eyes. “But maybe there’s something you can do that’s not so risky. See that switch over there?” The creature didn’t point – video surveillance would capture any moves made, but couldn’t record audio.

Pav nodded. The switch was obvious, marked with large “don’t touch” labels.

“Good.” Je’deel went on. “Let’s say you knock into it on the way out, perhaps your broom handle strikes it accidentally. When Penner comes in today, the first thing he’ll do is fire up the tech he’s been using, but he’s getting lax. It should put me back the way I was – stupider, even, if I’m lucky.”

Rising, Pav moved to the door, broom held low. At the threshold he “tripped”, smacking into the switch and then recovering, hamming it up a bit for the cameras.

“Thank you,” Je’deel’s voice floated out from the lab.


- D